I can
Feel it
The wisps
Tickle my senses
The shards dance
In the pale light
They hang by
Slim chords that will
Not hold them for long
They mock me as they dangle
Above my head
The pressure is there
But not
More of the idea
Of the pressure
A smoky room is where they
Preside
Waiting to fall
To inflict what
They have been waiting for
The things
I created
Things I
Could have prevented
But instead
Shaped
Carved
Made to near perfection
For myself
As only I could
They are
Crudely cut
Devastatingly designed
To a beauty
Indescribable
To anyone
Save the ones who can
Understand my mind
But that is the few
So
I stand under
Waiting for the drop
That is inevitable
Cutting
Ripping
Bloody Shards
Blood pools
So much ruby
They retreat
To hang once again
Waiting
Watching
For Something
To cause the strings
To snap
They delight in my pain
Shriek in joy at
My tears
Voices whisper
“You’ll be okay”
“You’re strong”
“Amazing”
“Toughen up”
“Grow a thicker skin”
“Wear a smile through the pain”
“Pain ends”
I listen not
For these disembodies
Do not see
My rotted garden
It seems beautiful and blooming
But
That is the illusion
I created for them
They think they know
Think I let them in
But I am not so
Foolish
Careless
As to let someone past the walls
They shall not
Can not
Will not
See the bleeding organ that
Beats in my chest
At times
Numbing ice spread
And
I am alright
I can handle it
At times
It retreats and
I think it is gone
I am always wrong
It returns
Vengeful
Angry that I was okay
The demons cages are emptied
Their saccharine smiles mock me
Their words harm me
Their claws drag me down
I cannot fight
Will never escape
Their clutches
This is dark
I know
But it is the battle
I fight
People think
Telling me to be strong
Fixes
Repairs
But I have already been doing that
For years
For countless moments
I am tired
I am weak
I am sick of being me
I want to not care
I want to not take responsibility for everything
I want to sleep
For endless years
The blade of the knife
Is tempting
The gleam sings to my
Scars
This pain
This hurt
This overwhelming darkness
Is inescapable
Will I ever truly see light?
Will I ever learn to love me?
How can I see myself through
A broken telescope
I am done
Trying to be
What people want
What I think I need
I know not
How to live in a moment
Because I
Need something to drag me forward
Something to keep me going
When the shadows come
Something to
Something
To save me from myself
I am both demon & angel
But
All i see is
Demon
Parasite
Unworthy
Ugly
Stupid
Foolish
Naive
The list goes on
How do I see me again?
The girl who loved
Who fell without caution
The girl who saw the world as
Beautiful
Optimistic
Who bright lights
Shone from her heart?
What is this shell
That pretends to be
Her
Thinks it understand how to
Love
Smile
Care
When in fact
It has a gaping
Bleeding wound
That it has
Neglected
Rejected
For years and that
Is now
Starting to be infected
This husk
Can no longer ignore
The damage
That’s been done
To the sunshiney
Sweet
Loving
Person who inhibited this body
Oh pray
Where hast thou gone?
******?
Are you there?
Do you still care? Or
Has the world been to cruel
Cut a little too deep
And you have left
So that all that remains
Is
Shards of wispy glass
Hanging over
A shell of
You
Please come back
If no one else does
I need you