Is there ever a time when we actually feel like enough?
Or just moments?
Are we all pretenders
Of the greatest degree
Always lying
I love me
Do some of us
Wear pain better than others
Some of us
Not knowing how to let it show
So it just festers and grows
Until it’s who
We are
Not a product
Of our circumstances
You make me feel
Like something more
I’m not just the pain and hurt
That I’ve told myself for years
Yet I still find it hard to be close to you
Always waiting for you to leave me
Reject me
How do i truly know
That you want
me
love
me
For i have always seen myself
In a fractured light
Beautiful but hideous
Kind but merciless
Loving but not quite accepting
Being pushed upon over and over and over
again
How can i learn to actually love myself
How much longer do i lie
Before the words are true
Why cant i see myself how everyone else does
why
is
it
so
hard
I want an answer but i know
I wont get one
Because i dont know
I am the only one who can offer me closure
But i have no closure to give
So somehow i must
Cauterize this wound
Before it cauterizes
Me
I am so scared
And yet apathy feels me
Numbing and comforting
I want it to leave me alone
This peace
So i can feel the wretched feelings
And be done with them
They leave and return
leave
return
leave
return
This awfully repetitive cycle
Until i understand nothing
But know everything
Comprehension applies to me
In ways no other person
Could understand
Words pour out of me
But never fully capture
The picture i paint
How could you understand
How could you know
The hurt i feel
Maybe not as badly as before
Just a tiny sliver
The trauma ive endured
How even though
Not as great
As most would consider
Still stifling in its force
I want a different life
Not anymore
I have learned to accept
And love
What i have
But not completely
How do i
Learn to love
me
can i actually let go
be happy?
can i feel it, be it
or will it just be another lie
i need to know and i need to find
myself
because the path of who i was used to be so clear
but now im not so sure who
i am anymore
help me find
help me see the
one
the only
true me