jessica rose

In my head

I\'m tired of being alone in my head,
With no one to understand or share my dread.
Everyday I say \"I\'m okay,\"
But really, it\'s just me keeping you away.
For deep in my heart, I\'m wishing I was dead.
Saying it out loud, though, would just break your head.
And so instead I\'m forced to just pretend,
Putting on a facade to never hurt you again.
I feel so isolated and so completely unseen,
That I find solace in wanting to drown myself in this endless sea.
A seeping inky blackness flows and invades my soul,
Feeling as though my sanity will eventually take its toll.
I\'m full of crippling pain, self loathing and such despair,
No matter how many times I fake my \"it\'s okay,\" smile and my laughter.
But when you look at me, with your unknowing eyes,
It reminds me how I\'ve hidden these destructive cries.
Everyday, the world is one giant lie.
And my happiness is only an illusory disguise.
My safety blanket, like an intricate spiderweb,
My wishes of death becomes the main idea in my head.