MiddleMood

6 what my anxiety feels like

What my anxiety feels like

It feels like the deep thrumming of my heart

 in my chest 

Like a balloon of blood

Pumping and filling with no escape 

Threatening to fill my rib cage 

And burst on the sharp knot in my stomach 

 

What my survival instinct freeze feels like 

It’s my mother’s hands 

One hand 

applying pressure to my throat

I can feel the space 

between her index finger and thumb 

dig into my vocal chords

 

What my depression feels like

It’s the weight of my dad

On my back

Fighting me for my depressive secrets 

On a device that attaches me to the world

Watching it be thrown away

Just like my self destructive actions they dismiss

 

What my ptsd feels like

I don’t even know if I have it

But if I did

It  would feel like my nightmares every night

And his breath on my neck

Wandering unwelcome hands

The vibrations of his words in my ears