Washing my hair at the kitchen sink
The hot water making my skin bubble gum pink
I swish and swirl shampoo through my hair
I rub and scrub with my fingertips
Pressing my knees into the dining room chair
I massage and swipe suds through my hair
As the scent of apples freshen the air
When dry my hair is past my shoulders, shiny bouncy dark without flare
Causing my skin to look even more fair
The clothes I wear make me look slinky
Everyone says I should model
That I have the perfect complexion straight from a bottle
Even without shoes I have the height
Although when young I wished with all my might
That I’d just be like any ordinary tyke
My parents wouldn’t have it
They signed me up for gymnastics tap and jazz
Ballet rhumba flamenco and more
They insisted I could have pizzazz if I wanted
As if what I wanted was more of a chore
I had elocution lessons
Learned to walk with a book on my head
To walk softly, to speak gently
To never disagree
To never ever ever think of me
“You’ve had so many opportunities. You must see dear.
It’s absolutely necessary that you not be here.”
So now when I look in the mirror and stare back at me
I see a creation that had to be
Why I’m not sure
Perhaps it was necessary to have something to adore
The who that I was is no more
If I wanted could I get back to me?
Or is it easier just to let things be?
I find distraction is the heart of the matter
If I don’t think too hard
I can ignore all the chatter
What does it matter who I really am?
Doesn’t everyone say: You’re just such a gem
In these breathy sincere voices
That make it so easy to be deprived of my choices
So I walk and I strut
Make animal noises
I crawl on the floor
I shake my mane, I swish my tail
All to walk a trail someone else has blazed for me
But what does it matter?
I’ll just let it be
If I wait long enough
Cross my fingers and close my eyes
I can forget each day another piece of me dies
And soon it won’t matter I’m someone I don’t recognize
As long as I keep my eyes on the prize