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Wergle Flomp Good Humor 2023

The following constitutes a rather
twisted as a pretzel SUBTITLE:

 

I dash with my jiggling boobs in an attempt to escape...
being overrun by teddy bears and beanie babies
while carrying out heavy duty spring cleaning.

 

Twas the bright idea of zee missus aye air
and dedicate this poem

(yes tis correct, if you bare
lee remember this mister

did formerly she push lee duck clear
addressed said spouse

\"my little buttock blaster” endear
ring - for obvious reasons,

and before she begat two \'ere
rip press ably lovely daughters),

 

anyway thee wife I fear
to publicize contracted a benign

strain sans incurable glare
ring housecleaning malady;
thus far no unpronounceable hair
raising name affixed

to non contagious condition, nevertheless

accursed malady,
whereby to keep her
from auctioning me on eBay,
I squarely hide in root cellar.


She frenziedly scrubbing stubborn stains

from clothes, dishes,
and gamut of hibernating
Oryctolagus cuniculus domesticus

horde (nee motley crue)
entrapping scampering dust bunnies
that come breathing alive

nsync with beastie boy
city rollers culture clubbing babes

upon first spring day
engrossed in this, that,

 

or some other sweeping floor foray
(analogously to Velveteen Rabbit)
shedding fifty shades of gray
winter coat when warmer temperatures arrive,

where humongous fur clumps would lay
comprising sudden empty raft
of shelf space minus a may
zing globules, oh...lemme get on track,
whence frenzied fever

\"cleaning bug\" nee
major virus afflicting wife,

 

would necessitate impossible task

strapping former feisty Norwegian farm gal
in straight jacket livingsocial every
would be no game to play
24/7 daily challenge devious skullduggery
Smokey and the Bandits

an imp posse sub bill
outlaw gang, who lived

like Aristo curr Rats along the quay,
which unpredictable timeframe

 

boot tiring and cruel task

of her life Yukon say
thine remaining lifetime,

that\'s my wife oye vey
would frank lee zapping

every last oomph of mine
if able twin door remaining with spouse
meanwhile \'till she obviously
plucks persistent sprouting stranded follicle
tiller broad forehead resembles

a minuscule tarmac way.

 

Though far fetched, not impossible

for me and Joe Six
Pack to become one and the same
since a concerned counterpart

contributes to the mix
cuz, she waves a scolding gold finger

dying with craven craving for sweet licks
to grace tastebuds longing

to savor and dissolve sucrose
in any one of the natural

or synthesized combinations
in an effort whose memory
of a washboard tummy

doth hunger for youth afflicts

 

recent embarkation since maintaining a diet

of exercise no more pesky heeding \"yo dude\"

(you look like a lady),

the inner fitness maven against

temptation of high caloric junk food

and nightly snack king

on a flexible fitness routine,

this lxiv aged body electric feels good

these myopic eyes and

well-calibrated hands measure less dense hood-

 

winking bosom, that if I feigned being

a \"bared naked lady\" -

asper this chest lewd

city in reference to \"man boobs\"

that seemed to materialize overnight

now appear to decrease as well

that unwanted \"love handle,

this chap more inclined

tubby in a greater mood

to parade around

 

this non-crowded house shirtless

AND definitely NOT in public,

BUT no weigh Jose

would this generic guy go completely nude

cuz being self-consciousness of my physique

might prompt outsiders

to consider me a prude

and even during closed bedroom door

sexual exploits deter me tibia rude

fellow (with average go daddy long legs)

 

and my dangling dipstick smallish

(concluding biology screwed)

a chap worthy tube he more endowed,

though gratitude proffered

to same divine cosmic consciousness

but as the year\'s pile up appreciation

of functional faculties alter matts\' at tee \'tude

accepting physical characteristics

more or less static

hoe ping believe mass elf ya wood.