I\'m hoping this is all for real my connection to you
In the beginning When I was a midnight black and blue
And you were feeling our amazing connection too
That’s when I accomplished so much and had many breakthroughs
Things somehow changed in recent months
Looking at all the relationship advice articles and advice\'s
I\'m trying to learn how to navigate all of this
Somehow when you don’t respond for days I end up in crisis
See my brain fires extremely fast
And I\'m learning my toolbox so I can make us last
I am trying everything to slow it down the best I can
I want to be as perfect as I can be for my new Man
And I say Man because all the others were just boys
Who used and abused me like unworthy, old toys
He makes me feel things so true and deep
I hope he is someone that I can keep
Because my brain is nonstop
When he doesn\'t answer and goes all ghost
That’s when my brain fills in the blanks
And things get all screwed up the most
This connection and love are really so beautiful
I really feel that I somehow got stuck in a land of dreams
I pray every day this is real, he is real
Hope it\'s all as real and loving and true as it all seems
I\'m trying to heal my past trauma
All the wounds and unnecessary drama
So I don\'t carry it all into the present relationship
And I don’t tear us apart - tear and rip
There is so much of him I need to research and learn
So We can both fly and not shred and burn
Hes got so much going on can\'t help but wonder when it\'s my turn
When Do I become a top priority and concern
I feel so bad even writing that
That’s so conceited and selfish of me
To want to take a top spot in his life
Next to him is the only place I want to be
Now that I have found it safe
And fully allowed myself to love and fall
Now I\'m hearing from him less and less
I can\'t even remember the last time he answered my call
I\'ve physically only even chilled with him once
And that includes all summer and fall
I am starting to shrink again
Just when I\'ve finally started walking so upright and tall
Recently I\'ve started to punish myself
Because he says no but I know I did something wrong
He says all the right things, but his actions don’t match
Sounds like something that belongs in a song - it\'s been too long
I\'m so freaking bad at this
At this whole relationship dance
I started with a blank slate
So excited but I think I blew my chance
I do not believe in playing any relationship game
I\'ve never had every bodily hair stand just by him saying my name
I do want to fully trust and believe I give him the same
I know I\'ve totally ruined this already I am always the one to blame
I\'m so lame
Over so many days, months, years
Hes been the only person who\'s caught my eye
He somehow gets me on a level I can\'t explain
I\'m not perfect but for him I swear I try
I do feel truth in my intuition when I hear him say the love
love for me he has, I hope and pray that isn\'t a lie
I always thought I\'d not enter into a relationship again
Or I wouldn\'t entertain the idea with men anymore as I am bi
Somehow, he burst right through
And stole my heart and soul
Brought back together from being torn apart
I now feel completely whole
I hope my intuition has been right about my new man
That I have been right since this all began
All that he gives is right and true
That he fully feels it when we tell each other \"I love you\"