Looking over the tracks
my mind wandered
to a place I think about often
almost too often
I imagine myself jumping
and then nothing
my worries dissipate
my fears fall into a pile of ash
my loneliness fades away
I hear a whistle
a rumbling
reality slams me in the face
and I force myself to look
I see myself taking a step
walking to the edge
feeling bliss
I think about doing it
I think about ending it all
I back up against the wall
my back pressing into the tiles
as if to physically will myself not
to launch onto the tracks
the tears start to spill
I take a deep breath
and walk onto the train