why do i do this
it doesn\'t make me happy after
i don\'t truly believe i deserve it
but to see the cut
turn a deep red
satisfies me for the moment
i smile when i do
i grin as if this is the best thing that\'s ever happened
looking at the layers of skin
revealed by my hand
popped open, like a balloon
filled with blood instead of helium
A grotesque scene for sure
but a scene that makes me feel better none the less
A fuzzy feeling swallows me whole
it fills my nose with cotton
burns my throat with its smoke
clouds my eyes with a thin layer of milky white liquid
its comfortable here
not enough to be happy
but enough to be slightly less sad
yes, its comfortable here
but something nags at me
low in my body
at the bottom of my heart, the bottom of my stomach
i know somethings not right
but i dont care enough to try to find out
instead i lay down
and wait for it to fade once again
I\'m hungry
my legs carry me to the kitchen like clockwork
carry me to help, on autopilot
it makes sense, right?
im hungry, so go eat
but once i open the cupboard
and see the food that i so desperately want
im suddenly full
im good, thank you
I feel like a raccoon
collecting, scavaging
saving up for the winter
for when they find out
collecting shiny, sharp objects
pills, any color or kind will do
stow them safely in my stash
just in case
in case i need to escape, run away
flee the scene of everything i leave behind
don\'t help me, i dont need it
im doing just fine on my own