Emotions held in a cage called lack of time
There’s no space for you
A heavy hand in my head
Shoving my emotions down
“Keep moving,” it says
“Look at all this homework”
“These clothes”
“You spend money too fast”
Find the loophole to hide
Get yourself small enough inside
I think I’m on an inward diet,
A broken image of who I should be
Reflecting the current flailing state I’m in
Coping by hiding from the mirror
Trying to lose weight within
Pounds of culture shock
Rolls of breakup repercussions
I’ll never be slim enough
Careless enough
Social enough
Connected enough
Loud enough
Trying to fit myself into old clothes from before I left
Before I did two years of college
Lived on my own
Faced my dream in France
And let go of my current love reality
They don’t fit is what I’m realizing
But I pretend for those around me that that do
I can still be someone they’d recognize
Like clothes are all that matter in a person
I’m taking them today to sell
Looking back, they were beautiful
Fitting for the girl who wore them
They helped express her joy and unformations
Female clothes ever a disparity of beauty and hidden insecurities
Tis time to show more skin, more scars, more maturity
Letting these things hang out, though my brothers will laugh and point
Mom and sister wrinkle their noses and judge
Style unconventional
Too many things piled together
Haphazard but
Somehow more whole
I’ll wear clothes instead of the labels now