I constantly think about the day I could have seen you
I was dumb
I was naïve
I always knew time waits for no one, life waits for no one
and now you’re gone
A memory lurking in the air
I didn’t realise how it would affect me, the pain, the guilt
and now you’ve left
I want to go back not to the day I could have seen you
But to the days we were a family
I was a child and you an uncle
A mess, a drunk an addict
But I didn’t care
I saw you for what you were
a child in pain, slain by the battles of life, i don’t know whether you fought
maybe you did but it was clear who won
Who had the victory and had moved on
But we didn’t let the adult narrative affect our relationship
You weren’t a mess in my eyes, a drunk an addict
You were my supporter and I was yours
You were the figure lurking in the door, giving me a look and all was good
No worry no pain, you understood.
I see you now for who you truly are
A drunk an addict
I see how you’ve left your stain on us, especially on her
Life is no different
The secrets of you still lurking
A memory in the distance
A figure in the door
But I didn’t realise how it would affect me
Now you’re gone
I walk on the street hoping to see you
And it pains me
My heart churns just a little
Because it’s a thought that cannot come to fruition
I hope to see you how it was before, have a little laugh reminding me of the past
Shielding me from what I know now
But I can’t because you’re gone
And I’m here
Not getting to say goodbye was my biggest fear
But it happened
And now I’m here
Writing this to say bye, I do love you
You were a man of little words but I always knew you were there, a little smile, a helping hand
An uncle keeping away the fear
I’m sorry you were dealt a bad hand
Life should have treated you better
But now you are my fear
A mess, a drunk an addict