Just a Man With a Thing About Bees
I knew once a man,
albeit briefly.
Who amongst other
things had a
real thing about bees.
Particularly,
those that lived in his
neighbourhood.
At first, I thought cool,
how bloomin
good that was.
But he said no, it was
not, they were
all just out to get him
and planning on
killing us both, any day
now, actually.
Then would you mind
if I ask, why you
should think like that ..
I probed,
in a tactful and most
professional way.
Because,
they all damn well do
and are so
bloomin determined
and planning to
kill us right now in fact.
And they are
in addition, far too loud
he retorted.
Oh’ and I hate every
darn one of em
he yelled in what then
seemed to me,
like a somewhat frantic
supercilious
and markedly paranoid
way ..
That’s as maybe, I said
as non
judgementally, as was
then possible.
But without them, I fear
the entire
world would be in a right
proper pickle,
now wouldn’t it just ..
Indeed, we
would all, most probably
die, after the
plants and the herbivores
that is ..
In fact, we might as well
just cut
our throats here and now.
After which,
he thought for a bit, then
said, he don’t
give a shit and emphasised
we’ve all got
to go someday, or another
sooner or later.
So can you help me, or not
doc, he asked.
I said maybe, quite possibly
yes perhaps.
But tell me first, have you
ever been stung.
Yes I have, but why ask he
enquired with a frown.
It’s simple, my fees
are quite simply extortionate.
Then as he did
gasp at the thought of parting
with money.
A bee came along, with a bum
full of honey
and promptly, placed a sting
at the back of
his throat .. on the dangly bit
in the middle,
us medics, all call the uvula.
So he died,
there and then, on the couch
to my very own
shock and amazement.
Oh my dear,
that was so terribly sad and
unfortunate, wasn’t it.
So what did you do, may I ask.
Well I promptly
called the next one in fast,
now didn’t I
and whom, I might add just
by chance, had a very
similar affliction .. Indeed,
a thing about
zombies no less, but that was
another story entirely.