Neville

Just a Man With a Thing About Bees

Just a Man With a Thing About Bees

 

I knew once a man,

albeit briefly.

Who amongst other

things had a

real thing about bees.

Particularly,

those that lived in his

neighbourhood.

At first, I thought cool,

how bloomin

good that was.

But he said no, it was

not, they were

all just out to get him

and planning on

killing us both, any day

now, actually.

Then would you mind

if I ask, why you

should think like that ..

I probed,

in a tactful and most

professional way.

Because,

they all damn well do

and are so

bloomin determined

and planning to

kill us right now in fact.

And they are

in addition, far too loud

he retorted.

Oh’ and I hate every

darn one of em

he yelled in what then

seemed to me,

like a somewhat frantic

supercilious

and markedly paranoid

way ..

That’s as maybe, I said

as non

judgementally, as was

then possible.

But without them, I fear

the entire

world would be in a right

proper pickle,

now wouldn’t it just ..

Indeed, we

would all, most probably

die, after the

plants and the herbivores

that is ..

In fact, we might as well

just cut

our throats here and now.

After which,

he thought for a bit, then

said, he don’t

give a shit and emphasised

we’ve all got

to go someday, or another

sooner or later.

So can you help me, or not

doc, he asked.

I said maybe, quite possibly

yes perhaps.

But tell me first, have you

ever been stung.

Yes I have, but why ask he

enquired with a frown.

It’s simple, my fees

are quite simply extortionate.

Then as he did

gasp at the thought of parting

with money.

A bee came along, with a bum

full of honey

and promptly, placed a sting

at the back of

his throat .. on the dangly bit

in the middle,

us medics, all call the uvula.

So he died,

there and then, on the couch

to my very own

shock and amazement.

Oh my dear,

that was so terribly sad and

unfortunate, wasn’t it.

So what did you do, may I ask.

Well I promptly

called the next one in fast,

now didn’t I

and whom, I might add just

by chance, had a very

similar affliction .. Indeed,

a thing about

zombies no less, but that was

another story entirely.