I lay awake at night, counting tiles on the ceiling
The blades of the fan spin as my mind is still reeling
I think silly happy thoughts, like what it would be like to fly
I pray to God, I pray to Venus, I pray to anyone who might listen for just maybe a shrivel of a minute
“Give me a sign” I mutter
It kills me to even be begging for this
“Please keep my head above water, for I don’t know how long I can continue to swim.”
You see now the battle begins
The tears roll down my cheeks silently
Each ragged breath like a little earthquake
All these questions fill my brain
Am I gonna die?
How much longer do I have left?
How much longer will they stand beside me?
I always let them know full transparency
That it’s okay to leave, because after all
My mind is a foreign enemy and that my body is the hard, cold, painful prison
You see my mind is constantly at war trying to defeat my gypsy soul hostage
And my body, well my body is always trying to keep her contained, under its thumb
Permanently numb
Locked away from ever feeling the sun
Banished to eternal darkness from my mind
And exiled to life in prison by my body
So yes I pray to God, to Jesus, to Venus, and Zeus
That maybe one day, one day soon
I will be free of this ball and chain
Be free to dance in the rain