I’ve changed
Not in a good way
But in a really horrible way
I became toxic
I became a player
I became someone who does not care in the least bit about others
I became someone that gets bullied
I became someone that no one respects
I became someone who no one actually likes
And if they do like me, it’s because they’re good people and see the best in others
But that does not last long
Soon they discover the real me and see how fucked up I really am
I’m the most disgusting, selfish, toxic person you’ll ever meet
I feel like I’m doing this for attention of others again
Hell, I actually know I am
I want to be loved
I want to be in a relationship
But I can’t
Because once someone puts a step closer to me
I immediately push them away
It’s happened to like four guys these last couple months
For fucks sake I made out with five people during one evening
And I think I really did hurt one of them
He was not a good friend but also not a stranger
And I hate it that I don’t know what he is thinking
He has to tell me what the fuck happened that night because I don’t really remember anymore
Why can’t people just fucking communicate