I watch the caress of the evening sun
warm and orange and endless
a sight for sore eyes, for those grieving and in love
for those in love but still dreaming
you’ve never been further away than you are now
I’m round the corner again
hiding behind my back gate
leaving it to fate
praying there’s a god
is there love somewhere in all your hate?
maybe I’m delusional again
It’s a blurred state that keeps me calm
chokes out the loneliness
gives me something to believe in
when god forgets to leave the latch on
cobwebs gather in the corner of the ceiling I stare hardest at
a reminder of how long I’ve been stuck here
there’s still photos of us on my laptop that make me sad
there’s still ways that we’ve touched and things you never meant that keep me mad
but hopeful
I wish I never see you again
or that if I ever do you never ever go anywhere else
I miss you more than I remember you
memories usher me to walk on your side of the road
their false hope holding my hand for a casual stroll
nothing dangerous about dipping your toes in
nothing certain about any given moment
the many and few we shared
haunt my every emotion
it’s been easier sleeping palm to palm with other men
giving my heart on rent
sometimes the price is high
others make your bare minimum profitable growth
I’d like to hope that you love her ten times better
that sweet girl I can be soon turns bitter
thinking she has everything I broke brain cells chasing
I don’t ever run the race
and you’ll never see me naked again
I don’t know if I fake it all the time
I probably don’t actually love you anymore
I hope that’s true
it would save me a spare thought
let’s dance around being strangers for the rest of our lives
We’ll ghost each other until we’re dead
practicing for our inevitable embodiment
deterioration, menopause, marriage, aging
I shan’t see you there
maybe you’ll feel me
when you find a strand of her blonde hair
do you remember screaming at me in the car?
You didn’t care how I felt
Just that it might change how I thought of you
I wish someone had told me then