What hurts the most is losing myself
Losing the person I used to be
Not recognizing myself in the mirror
It hurts knowing who I used to be
How I used to act and treat people and myself
Before I lost myself to the world
People praised me for my optimism complimented my smile and enjoyed my laughter and jokes
Now the conversations are about my problems and how bad I’m doing
I lie to the people I love most because the truth is too painful
To real
And if I do share something I feel like a burden
a problem in doing so
How could I let the world and my inner demon take control of me
I used to be able to at least escape at night
in my room but now it’s the worst time
My mind keeps racing and keeps reminding me of everything I have to do and my past failures
I can’t do this anymore
It is so fucking draining
It also feels like I shouldn’t feel this way
I have no reason to
How could it have come this far
What happened to me
It’s getting bad again maybe even worse because I’m lying and pretending like I’m fine but I’m not fine
Every little thing sets me off the edge and I can’t let it go
I can’t let go
But I want to in more ways than one
I hate my body and more specifically what I do to it
At least I took care of my physical health before
I’ve given up on that too
Lying about how healthy I am
Because I am not
I’m pretty sure I’m making myself sick because of it
I have no idea who I am
Hopefully not the end