Last night I was up until 3 in the morning.
Dawn’s fingers yet to claw at the horizon,
and I lie in bed awake.
It wasn’t for lack of exhaustion-
that much can be said.
With tired eyes and aching limbs, I watched the minutes pass
on a clock that barely worked.
4 hours and 27 minutes off of pace,
Yet it still held me by my throat.
It’s nails biting into the skin of my neck-
I watched the present leave me behind.
Last night I was up until 3 in the morning.
I turned on a video from some streamer I used to watch
years ago,
and promised myself that I was doing better.
I’ve discovered I’m an amazing liar.
At least all those years ago I knew where I was headed.
Now, I’m facing this future that is too large for me to comprehend,
too open with possibilities for me to know the right path,
too scared to disappoint those that believe in me.
I was up until 3am biting my nails and lips-
tearing off the skin until my body burnt the same as my mind.
Last night I was up until 3 in the morning.
At what point is there so much caffeine in your blood that it ceases to be blood,
instead becoming a cesspool of your own insomnia?
I slipped out of my clothing,
only wearing what lie beneath,
and pulled out an old friend.
They had the habit of biting, of making you hurt-
but not once had that pain been anyone’s fault but my own.
Not deep- maybe an inch- but just enough to sting.
Enough to get under your skin.
It was too easy for a piece of thin metal to find its way into my body.
Like I said- an old friend.
Last night I was up until 3 in the morning.
I didn’t have a real reason-
I just couldn’t sleep.
When I finally forced my eyes shut-
they opened once more only a few whiles later.
My day began anew.