I find it exhausting trying not to love you at all
I have so much love for you and I don\'t want to throw it away
But I also don\'t want to give it to you anymore
So instead I just hold onto it
I keep it in my pocket
When it gets heavy and pokes me I shuffle in my seat and squirm a little
People ask, \"What\'s in your pocket?\"
I say \"Oh, just something I\'m holding onto for a friend\"
At night I leave it on my bedside table and hope it doesn\'t fall under my bed
If it does, even better
Friends don\'t like to see me carrying it around
They try to throw it away
They take it at night and hide it in a drawer, or throw it over a bridge
They do it for me, to set me free
In the morning I wake up though and there it is
Still safely in my pocket
It\'s okay though, it\'s not a burden
I get so used to it that sometimes I forget it\'s even there
Until it burns again
Just a little
It doesn\'t mean harm
It\'s only a gentle reminder of my humanity
An ode to humility
To teach me that I can never be free of pain, only strong enough to bare it