Caro Tan

The little gecko on the wall

I tried to jump off the clouds hoping I land on grass,

but I ended up drowning in the water

it seems like no matter how much time has passed,

I’ll always be my mother’s oldest daughter

 

Talking to myself “mommy I don’t feel good at all”

It’s just me and that gecko on the wall

 

I once told you “I’m never happy but never sad”,

That doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy all that we had

And I know if I asked you to not leave you’ll stay,

But I won’t cause I know it’s just the effect of may

 

Talking to myself “mommy I don’t feel good at all”

It’s just me and that gecko on the wall

 

I gave up everything to make my vision more clear,

It doesn’t matter anyways the end is near

I have a feeling that I won’t be here by the end of the year,

I’ll either die or disappear

 

Talking to myself “mommy I don’t feel good at all”

It’s just me and that gecko on the wall

 

In my head it’s still 2019,

I was a better version of me even with the fact that I was only fifteen

My Ls and I are acting as if we were unseen,

I don’t know the color blue yet, I only know green

 

Talking to myself “mommy, I’m so happy I can fly”

With my little wings like a butterfly