Are we going to war?
Is something I’ve asked myself before.
Will I have to take someone’s life?
That has been something on my mind.
Every soldier at one point.
Has been in a state of anxiety.
That they will have to leave their families.
To go and fight in some war.
Every world event. Every small conflict.
Brings out the question in our minds.
Is this the one?
Is this the time?
It’s the elephant in the room.
That no soldier wants to address.
Sure. We put on the uniform.
Sure we were not uninformed.
That we may be called to fight.
Yet, this is the anxieties of a soldier.
Not shared by someone who is a civilian.
They don’t have that fright.
Nor lose sleep at night.
Awakened by that anxious thought.
It will always be something that lingers.
As we stare at our fingers.
Imagining pulling the trigger .
Yet, that is a thought we push out.
I think that though, not so often.
Only a thought that is here or there.
Yet, when I do it’s hard to bear.
There is nothing I can do to suppress this thought.
Until I hang up this green uniform.
When I finally get away.
It’s just a question though after all.
Am I going to war?
Well… At least not today.