Somewhere in my memory there was the futile screaming of a teen drama
Preaching to the audience—
“Never date your friend’s ex”
And maybe they had a point—
But to be fair
We weren\'t really friends at the time
(We are still just friends of friends, the kind who will laugh and smile together when you visit Vancouver and tell me about how shitty Oregon is over timbits and iced coffee)
And your ex—
Well
I didn’t really know he was your ex until we crossed that line
When he told me you two used to date
I wasn’t too surprised
But that teen drama echoed in my head
Maybe it was a warning
Even if the way it ended had nothing to do with you or him really
It felt like a movie scene—
That sad moment you have in a storyline before the side characters get a ton of development and become the fan favorite that everyone complains deserved better
(I always hated that their mental health had to be sacrificed, and god was it sacrificed)
I never told you that we dated
Even though it was almost two years
(The anniversary of two would have been today I think,
but we were in love long before we dated)
And it was so happy and our calls lasted hours and we met at the border and he kissed me and we cried and I called him the prettiest boy I’d ever met and I meant it and we played games together that now make my heart ache anytime they’re mentioned
I bought the sequel to his (our) favourite when it came out
But I couldn’t play it without him
It makes me want so badly to throw away my common sense and text him right now
(But the bruises on his arms make me stay away, the way his father screamed still ringing in my ears)
We didn’t break up because we fell out of love
There was no scandal
No cheating
No lack of spark
So I don’t know what there is to get over
I’m not sure why I’m still holding on.
I wish I could tell you that I still love him and I don’t know how to deal with it because at least you know what it feels like to be in love with him and maybe even know how it feels to miss him
But we just smile over cheap coffee and ask about work
Is it wrong that I wonder about visiting you
Just for the excuse to see him?