three bajillion years ago to date,
nevertheless I count blessings,
so please do not hashtag me
as worse than an ingrate
or one whose dire financial straits
attributed to flimflam scam artist,
who fleeced me and when he/she
asked direct questions
heavily trended to obfuscate
which penury now finds me to vacate
unaffordable costs living social on premises
of highland manor apartments.
Lemme titillate thee
regarding myself daily
soldiering thru breastworks
sidestepping veritable landmines irks
read out loud to experience
where dangerfield lurks
then twenty five years a husband
unknown marital perks
bachelorhood to die for,
cuz warp and weft
courtesy webbed and wedded bliss
incorporates life threatening quirks
analogous to demise Ottoman Turks
dissolution of said empire courtesy
by treaty and came to an end in 1922,
when the last Ottoman Sultan,
Mehmed VI, was deposed
and left the capital of Constantinople
(now Istanbul) in a British warship
courtesy Harris armaments works.
Hazardous beyond belief
trumpeted courtesy commander in chief
analogous crossing a landmine good grief
ensnared yours truly
mistaken for Baghdad thief.
Impossible mission to step up pace
when ambling one room to another
footfalls of generic guy approximating brisk,
cuz one misstep could find me flat on back
with damaged spinal disc
worse fate than experiencing
strong arms of law
reach out his hands that frisk
old meister wordsmith
merely ventures innocent risk,
yet may as well
surrender self to Taliban,
who would willingly whisk.
Garden variety Caucasian American bloke
afraid to tread amidst belongings strewn
pell mell outranking
rating tornado 5 courtesy
enhanced Fujita Scale,
whereat Good Housekeeping
demonized, insulted, and ostracized spouse.
As precautionary safeguard,
I carry treasured amulet
to ward off ill luck
toward life and limb you bet,
especially when gingerly
taking one step after another
modus operandi cachet
with lights turned off
owing steadfastness to prayerful debt
intoned toward guardian angel to get
self groping in dark without bifocals
envisioning severely myopic
(blind as a bat generic guy
without spectacles) met
bedded objective where,
menagerie of stuffed animals
(albeit Woodstock favorite pseudo pet),
which aforementioned Peanuts character
called warm fuzzy as sobriquet
wordsmith evinces, identifies,
outshines wit to whet.
The missus bursts out laughing,
whom I damnably scoff at and berate
as I trip head over heels
cursing said spouse ever since first date
at Tex-Mex restaurant
in North Wales, Pennsylvania,
a gut level intuitive sense -
even then our sealed fate
cursed analogously
crashing thru Hades gate
antagonistic altercations in actuality
displaced suppressed
anger toward parents,
which father and mother (both deceased)
their sole son of did hate
for afflicting psychological trauma
regarding them furiously irate
doling out ultimatums
interestingly enough comfort found
within company of loving mate,
she weaseled compassion
evidenced by poetic prattle I prate,
whereat ye can (of course) highly rate
feedback I eagerly await.