I was four years old when you divorced dad
In the living room tons of boxes were stacked
I cried every night because i knew things were going to be bad
But dad, he promised me that he would be back.
I was five years old when i had started school
I felt like a big girl with my older brother by my side
I was so proud, but i had been fooled
Because dad wasn’t there and I believed his lie.
I was seven years old when i put the pieces together
Dad had another family who seemed to be better
He remarried again and says their “forever”
I wish things could go back to before I could remember.
I was nine years old when you brought him home
You said that things would always stay the same
But deep down we all had known
That right then and there, everything had changed,
I was verbally abused when i was twelve years old
I have been called fat and ugly and stupid
I tried to stay strong, but i have been bruised
With scars inside and open wounds.
Fourteen was the age when i stopped seeing dad
I didn’t like going over anymore
I told him that and he had got mad
And said to me that I wasn\'t his “little girl.”
I was only sixteen but i have been through enough
My smiles were forced and eating was tough
I just wanted to be happy, is that too much to ask
God, please help me, I don\'t like being sad.
Eighteen is the age where I finally moved out
Maybe things will finally get better
I won’t be in that household anymore,
And here I am, staying with my brother.
Between the years of nineteen and twenty,
I have endured so much
From basically living out of my car, and then getting my first apartment
But the relationships with my parents are still out of touch.
On my twenty-first birthday,
I spent that day alone
Laying in my dark cold room
With my boyfriend on the phone.
I spent my twenty-second year
Experiencing new things, and blacking out drunk
Trying to numb every failing relationship i have,
But it only ever left me in a funk
It seems to me that twenty-three is the year,
With learning boundary settings, and standing up for myself
I am now living in an uplifting environment
All of my attention is towards focusing on my health.