Cat -mailed !
I’m at that age when nothing can surprise me.
grumpy and I’m seldomly impressed.
At that age where life becomes routine
But my story it must be addressed.
I’m old,but I\'ve still got all my marbles.
I still recall the good times that we’ve had.
I’m embarrassed telling you my story,
In case you think I\'ve gone completely mad.
I’m always up early in the morning.
Insomnia, I suffer like an owl.
Each morning I let the cat in
Aftes she’s been out on the prowl.
She’s naturally nocturnal is out“Whiskers”
She comes home before the traffic’s rush.
She sleeps all day while everyone’s out.
Peacefully sleeping in the hush.
My tale seems kinda normal at the moment.
Like any home across all of the nations.
But when I let the cat inside the house.
The cat and I have conversations.
These episodes I’m really not proud of
Something I’m not keen to admit.
You’ll think that I’ve been smoking marajuana,
Or sniffing or chewing on the cat-nip.
She comes in and greets me with “ Good morning !”
“ Kindly put my food into the dish..”
“ And if you’re feeling happy coz it’s Friday
Perhaps you might buy me a fish ?
“ A lovely little Kipper or a mackerel,
a haddock, a salmon or a trout.”
That she could climb inside beneath its gills.
And eat it from the inside out !”.
Then she tells me all about her antics
Adventures in the middle of night
She tells me that if it takes her fancy,
she pops down to the airport for a flight.
She sneaks aboard those massive cargo planes
The big ones that only haul freight.
You can tell our little cat’s been overseas.
She comes home over twenty minutes late.
She talks about her nights in Majorca,
When she sang in a karaoke bar.
Other times she hitchhikes down to London,
to see how King Charles and Queen Camilla are?
“ It;s not easy dodging royal Corgi’s.
When sneaking around in “ Buck House.”
But she never leaves the palace without a souvenir
A regal rat or a posh bejeweled mouse.
She sometimes likes to ask me awkward questions.
Like where she’might file a complaint.
“ Coz frankly since the lockdown and recession.
“ The grub that’s offered to her ain\'t so great.”
“ I’m sure that your wife holds the purse strings?”
She quizzes me while stifling a sneer.
“ I’ve seen you go and sulk out in the garden.
When she says you can’t go out for a beer!”
“Will you have a chat on my behalf?
About the delicate subject of food?”
Coz talking to the cat might cause alarm,
she might view me as militant or rude!”
“ Perhaps you might help me with the problem?”
Have a word in your lady’s ear?”
And if she agrees to fish on Fridays,
I’ll ensure you get out for a beer!
“And what if I refuse?”I refuted.
“Refuse to help you with your wicked plan?
Coz in this household ,it’s me who wears the trousers.
In our home, I am the man!”
The cat climbed up onto the table,
To ensure that she could be heard.
“ I’m not into blackmail,” she whispered.
“But just so that I can be understood.”
“When your misses wakes up in the morning.
You stamp on parade by the sink,
You ask her what she’d like for breakfast,
You’re a mouse of a man, you’re are a wimp”
.
“But if you\'ll come and join in my venture,
Help me to improve my life,
You can go down the pub to meet that barmaid
and I promise I won\'t tell your wife !”
.