fall asleep dirty,
hands sticky,
hearts fake.
wake up shallow,
legs tied,
ribs broken.
the sweat, drips off my back,
the blood, freezes in depths.
immortal in cries,
in deaths — a million tries.
sweet venom, bites on every limb,
the nightmare, it must be.
the pathetic relief
this moment — grotesquely brief.
the harder it curls, surrendered,
the messier i may become.
i will not let it hurt me,
nor will i let it be gone.
i absorb it as
every nerve in my body
starts
to wreck
and it’s suddenly dark,
hands
on my neck
every ship in red oceans
caves
in
skin shines pink, and a little
red
within
and it’s
a self-violation,
every pretty bone finds its way to get hurt,
it’s a blatant invasion,
with its power to kill the blue bird
it’s
a self-mutation
when the words mold me into other shapes,
and it’s my transformation,
tasting sour, obnoxious. coming in waves
i’m everything you want me to be
and everything you will never ask.
i’m a self-incarnation,
there’s nothing to question.
i’m here to burn myself down.