I can’t sit, or stand or be.
My head is always running.
My thoughts like bullets through my body.
When I can rest I am restless.
My head showing me things I don’t wanna see.
Dreams that I can’t stand.
It just feels wrong.
Wanting the new and not appreciating the old.
My longing for new experiences is exhausting to me.
It feels like I have to pull myself together all the time.
I want to do it but I know it won’t bring me peace either way.
My hearts aches for the right thing but it can’t follow.
Like I am sabotaging myself.
I can’t be trusted.
Leaving my home I forget it.
I forget its worth and place in myself.
When leaving my home, I leave my personality behind, I leave behind me.
I become someone new every time step out of place for a few days.
And I become myself again when home again.
Not the same, just the same body and smile.
Feeling like that wasn’t me.
Couldn’t have been me.
Not ME.
More like a corrupted version of myself.
Like someone stole my memories and gave my actions to someone else.
All these thoughts so I don’t have to look at the truth, to not confront myself with what really is ME.