i can’t remember the first time i felt it.
that sickeningly sweet feeling,
butterflies in my stomach from her laugh
my head filled with the sound of her ramblings,
my heart beating to the fluttering of her eyes.
i always reminded myself,
that it was a simple school-girl crush.
that i would get over it, that i was being dumb.
i can remember when i realized it was more than that.
when she put her arms around my waist,
whispering something so dumb to me i could barely breathe from laughter,
her presence making all my troubles go away.
i can’t remember the first time i realized she was forbidden fruit.
that i couldn’t love her, even if i wanted.
that her soft skin was only for a momentary touch,
the her dark eyes were only for a glance,
that her comforting presence was only until she found a man.
that a woman like me, could never be with a woman like her.
i have to remind myself, every time i walk into that classroom,
hearing her siren-like voice greet me,
that the stories anne carson told,
or the sonnets shakespeare sang
are simply out of my reach,
that my yearning for her is meaningless.
for she is forbidden fruit,
a sweet poison, just out of my grasp.
- R.K.