Sometimes I feel like I’m losing myself.
I look in the mirror and the person staring back at me isn’t quite me
His face is distorted and tired.
He’s not the person who years ago would be optimistic to a fault, laughing and smiling no matter what happened to him.
Sometimes I stare in the mirror too long and I begin to recognize that man.
I look away in fear every time, I can’t look too close.
He’s a vile beast and not one I’d like to be acquainted with
When I leave the room I hate that I have to speak with others.
I fear that they will see the man that I see in the mirror and I fear that, even if they don’t, they will hate me nonetheless.
I hate that I have to see them, what they cannot see in their own mirrors.
I don’t blame them, I blame myself for not being more tolerant of their faults.
Or things they don’t see to be faults.
I try to use them as mirrors for myself, it’s never a perfect reflection.
I fear that the reflection changes when I walk away.
I fear that they will see that I am unlike them and they will run from me leaving me alone.
I fear that they will hate me so much that they want nothing more than to be rid of me.
Some have.
When I am alone I feel safe
When I am alone I feel isolated
I want to be around those who hate me.
I hate that I do
I fear what I may be alone
I fear that man in the mirror, his sunken eyes.
I don’t trust myself because I may be that man
And what should others think of me if that was obvious.
What would they think when they learn I am helpless, they would taste blood!
I hate them
I hate me
I need help.
I know I do
I fear what I know,
But more so what I don’t.
One thing
One talk
No more problems
I know
I know
I know
but
I’m fine