Losing her,
It felt like living hell.
At first I thought,
\"Oh, this should
Be good for me\".
But was it really?
Then I couldn\'t breathe.
I couldn\'t breathe without her.
I still can\'t.
I felt choked,
Restrained,
Empty.
It got worse
And worse
And worse.
It got so bad
That I slipped under
The mountain of sadness
And didn\'t resurface.
That\'s when I started cutting.
I cut
And cut
Every damn night.
I was
Addicted.
Man, it feels like years ago,
But has it really only been one?
One year,
One fucking year,
Killed me.
Almost literally.
Shit was tough,
And there wasn\'t really
A way out.
Not until he came along.
I almost forgot about you.
Almost.
But how could I forget
The birthday
Of my first love?
How the fuck
Could I do that?
You really thought,
Didn\'t you,
That you would be relieved
To see me go?
Yeah, I thought that too.
Trust me,
I wish it could\'ve been
Just like that.
But fuck!
I don\'t have a fucking
Manual for life.
I didn\'t expect that you,
My love of
Five
Fucking
Years
Would just
Disappear.
I\'m sorry.
I\'m sorry
You had to deal
With me and my shit.
Fuck,
I\'m so sorry.
I shouldn\'t have clung on
Like that.
I shouldn\'t have
Kept my guard down
Like that.
But I should have
At least
Told you I was leaving.
I\'m sorry.
I\'m so sorry, Cheyenne.
I love you.
I love you,
Okay?
Because right now
I\'m retreating back
Into the deep
Dark
Shell
I have in place,
And I\'m not going to lie,
But I could really use
One of your hugs right now.
And these
Past couple of months,
I\'ve been having all these
Flashbacks,
Specifically those of hugs,
But also all the hello\'s
And the unspoken goodbye.
Flashbacks of
The blinking
And all the laughter.
Flashbacks of
Behind bars
And sleeping
On air mattresses,
Your head on my knees
And your feet by mine
As I fall off the edge.
Goodnight, dear love,
But I cannot
See
You
Tomorrow morning,
As once again,
We become strangers
That
were once sisters.
Strangers,
As all friends return to.
Like life after death:
Failed,
But continuous.
Goodnight, Chey.