When I was a kid
I wanted so badly for my happily ever after
To meet my prince or princess charming
To grow old and happy with them
Forever and ever
But now i’ve grown up too fast
And now i’m not even waiting for
My ‘happily ever after’
I’m just
…waiting
And it may seem dark and morbid to you
but I don\'t think my wish will ever come true
But i don’t think i’ll make it to a happily ever after
I don’t have the energy
When I was a kid my days were filled with laughter
I was so excited about the future
Now I just wish that it would end sooner
And I wish I hadn’t grown up so fast
Cause being a kid was a blast
And being grown up…
It hurts
I’m so tired
tired of my body constantly feeling wired
I shouldn\'t be this kind of tired at my age
I\'m tired of living
Tired of hurting
I don’t even know why I’m still here
There’s nothing left for me at this point
I feel so empty and numb
When I was a kid
I was bubbly and fun
there seemed to have been nothing I couldn\'t have done
People would ask me what I wanted to be when i grew up
And i’d say
\"an astronaut–a docter– a geologist- an artist-- an actor- singer- a music person\"
while jumping around excitedly
Now that question honestly makes me want to throw up
When people ask me what I want to be
I have to hold back the words hidden on my tongue
Because to others, it\'s considered wrong
That I’m not even sure if
I’ll even stick around long enough to grow up
Instead
I smile and shake my head
And say
\"I’m not sure yet\"
I grew up too fast
And now I\'ve grown up
but not the way you think
I’ve stopped trying
I stopped hoping
And I stopped believing things’ll get better
I didn\'t grow up physically
I was forced to grow up mentally
People say
that it\'s going to be okay
thinking it will comfort me
but really it just makes me mad
you see
Of course, you’d say that
Cause it’s not happening to you
saying those words
doesn\'t make how i feel any less true
Different nights
Same dark thoughts
Physically here
But mentally gone
I act like i’m okay
When it couldn’t be further from the truth
I got so good at acting that
i started to believe it myself
So where\'s my Oscar for acting like everything is ok?
cause I fooled my parents
my brothers
I even fooled my friends
I almost tricked myself too
I miss being a kid
And I miss the old me
I miss not being pressured
into what people want me to be
I miss the kid I was
The one that wasn’t depressed
The one that was actually happy
The one who didn\'t have to smile
and choke back bile
I wish I could turn back time
Back when everything was okay
Because I’ve been having a bad day
For the last three years
I pull people close
And push them away
All because of my fears
Because I\'m scared to get hurt
And maybe I’m hoping that
they’ll care enough to pull me back
I come off as a strong
But maybe I fall asleep crying
maybe I act like nothing’s wrong
But maybe
Just maybe
I’m really good at lying