Lil

3 poems

\"WHEN THE FAMILY SAYS THEY LOVE ME\"

When the family says they love my money, but they do not love me, I let them.

Though the beatings on my back and the slaps across my face burn like a midsummer’s heat wave, I stay.

Because the family said they love me.

Though the chills of a thousand arctic storms flow across my face in the shed outside, I confide in them…

Because the family said they love me.

No matter the room they locked me in, no fresh air to breathe; like a butterfly trapped in a jar they refuse to let free, I STAY.

Because the family said they love me.

They said they love me…they love me…they love…my money.

They love my money.

And like the sucker fish on the edges of a fish tank, I stay because the fish may not love me, but I serve a purpose to them and they serve a purpose to me.

So, I stay…

Because I’m too afraid to leave, because if I’m set free who will be there to say they love me?

No matter the silent silhouettes of a thousand beating hands whispering sweet secret lies into my ear, I’m still here…

Like the butterfly stuck in a jar, I still flutter around glass bars. They don’t treat me right, but I stay put at night because I accept the love I think I deserve.

No matter the conditions, I don’t care if it hurts!

 

Does it hurt?

Because when the family says they love my money, but they do not love me, I don’t want to let them…

 

Because if you let the sun burn you on a heat wave it will hurt.

If you let the frost bite at your ears when you’re locked in the shed, it’s going to hurt…

If you trap a butterfly in a jar that’s unable to breathe and you refuse to let it free, do you think it’ll live long enough to tell you that it hurt?

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
 
 
\"It Gets Lonely\"

It gets lonely sometimes

When you are your only friend

The popular girl 10 months ago

Has finally met her end

At least that\'s what it appeared to be

Parties drugs and alcohol

all slowly consumed me

No one really noticed how lonely she was

Until the day she fell apart and got off the bus

She ran home barging open the door

She knew she had to confess to her mom

She tried to overdose the night before

With intentions to kill

She locked herself in her own doom

When her therapist came

And said you\'re going to the emergency room

It gets lonely sometimes

When you\'re being hospitalized

When the guy you loves leaves you

And everyone tells lies

After 10 days she returned to her normal life

Which also included cutting herself with a knife

She felt lonely again

As her mom was always with her boyfriend

She knew the rules she thought she could bend

She snuck in a compaion

So she would no longer be lonely again

Her mom came home that night and kicked her out

The loneliness was back by no doubt

Her neighbor found her laying in the street

He gave her a change of clothes and a jacket

Then took her out to eat

They discussed the boy her once loved, who was now with his sister

About the cuts on her wrist, and how he wanted to kiss her

His phone started ringing, it was his mom

Get her home soon, before the cops come

The girl\'s mom went to the hospital from being in shock

The girl returned home with the dog, because the door was unlocked

The next morning she went to the park

Looking for someone who would take the dog

She found relief from everything through the cigarette fog

She stayed at a friends that night, hoping to return home in the morning

But what was waiting for her was more disurbing

It gets lonely sometimes

When you can\'t say goodbye

When you don\'t know its the last time you\'ll see your friends

When you lose all hope and want your life to end

No one really noticed how lonely she was

At her new school, she made new friends

But had a secret so cruel

The cuts got worst and her clothes had a stench

She was losing too much weight and spoke fluent french

The was this guy in town who wouldn\'t leave her alone

When she felt suicidal, he took her hand and walked her home

It gets lonely sometimes

When you\'re at the bottom of low

When a stranger shouws up and takes you to the hospital

But instead of going home

You go into treatment

They say the cutting needs to stop, and that you are too thin

That you need to pull yourself together

And stop thinking about the end

But no one knowledges how lonely it gets

When your friends stop messaging back

And everyone calls you a bitch

You become a lifeless corpes for the next several months

But reality sneaks up and kisses you for once

You have no friends and no where to go

You have no life to return to, all you are is a shadow

So maybe its best if I end this now

As soon as I get discharged

I\'ll head out of town

I\'ll get a place of my own

And maybe meet some people on the way

I\'ll change my name and my identiy

And just live day by day

This poem is about: 
Me
 
\"Foster Home\"

last night i dreamed that i was doing a monalog
i was back in my first foster home, my foster mother came down stairs
she screamed;
GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT,
I responded, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY MUST YOU BE SO COLD TO ME,
NEVER TOOK THE CHANCE TO EVEN KNOW ME,
YOU DIDN\'T TAKE THE TIME TO GET CLOST TO ME,understand me and EVEN realate to my journey.
GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT.
WHY MUST I CONTINUE TO GO THROUGH THIS IS BEING A MOTHERLES CHILD IS WHAT I HAVE TO AJUST TOO,
DEAR GOD, I DON\'T THINK I CAN continue on this journey, EVERYDAY i feel like you over looked me when you decided to create me
WHY MUST IT FEEL that iM paying for a crime that i did not commit
IS THIS MY DESTINY
WHY MUST THE WORLD REBUKE ME
IS thist the system i must be a custom too
where they hardly any real mommies and daddies, only judments from people who FAIL TO COMPREHEND
when will will it END. WHY MUST I BE DISTRUCTIVE IN YOUR EYES FOR YOU to hear my silent CRY
well in that CASE world, dont wait for me to burst through your doors expecting FOR ME to embrace your SO CALLED LOVE,
LIKE the the baggages in my hands, i proudly carry my PAIN FOR THE DAY WHERE there wil be RAIN.