Drowning
I feel so still
In a sea of people moving
No matter how hard I try
I try to move
To save myself
But I’m drowning
I’m pulled under the current
Of my own violent emotions
I drown
I drown in a sea
A sea of people who can’t see
My vast sea
yet somehow shallow
Made of my own emotion
Help me I\'m drowning
Being pulled into the undertow
I can’t get back to the surface
No matter how hard I kick
And scream
I can’t even see now
It’s a sea of blackness
It’s choking me
How?!
It’s seeping in like a dark poison
Staining my psyche
And burning my insides with acid
I’m running out of air now
and my lungs beg me to part my lips
Somebody, please save me
Aren’t I worth it?!
The undertow has taken me down now
I have no hope of saving myself
Save me!!
Hear ME
Listen!
Listen, to my silent plea
I’m screaming
But words won’t come out
And the tears won’t fall down
I’m drowning in an ocean
Of unshed tears
They’ve wrapped around me
Emotions tangled like seaweed
I can’t BREATHE!!!
Somebody save me please!
I can’t even save myself!
The current is too strong
And I’ve been struggling to stay afloat for far too long
I need help
Or else
I
will
DROWN
Lonely
It\'s strange
Somehow i end up feeling lonely
In a crowd of people
I can feel incredibly lonely surrounded by people
And yet when i retreat to my room
A sanctuary
A safe place
I feel safe and comfortable
I guess that
There’s a difference between lonely and alone
When your alone
Completely alone
Truly alone
It’s something that you choose to be
And yet when you’re surrounded by others
You can feel that gaping chasm
Growing and expanding inside you
A dark and deep abyss
Impenetrable no matter what you do
One that nobody seems willing to cross
Slowly swallowing you whole
With no chance of escape
It’s odd, being surrounded by people
But managing to feel still and completely alone
As though there’s a wall separating you from the rest of the world
Leaving you to the insanity of solitary confinement
Making you feel as though your on display
And as your voice becomes quiet
Your psyche gets louder and louder
Until that’s all you can hear
Being alone is often a choice
But loneliness is not
The feeling of loneliness can hit you like a train sometimes
Knocking you off your feet when you least expect it
Panic
A noise
Loud and sudden
Startles me
Scares me
Terrifies me
Petrifies me
I tell myself that it’s okay
And I’m overreacting
But it just makes it worse
My breath quickens
And my heart rate increases
it\'s not a gun Not a Gun
NOT A GUN NOTAGUN
NOT AGAIN NOTAGUN
It’s only a balloon
Not a gun, not a gun
But it’s too late now
My downward spiral has already begun.
My heart races as it tries in vain
To compete with my speeding breath
Black spots linger like blinding rain
At the edge of my vision
And I know I’m going down
I manage to find a chair
As I attempt to fight the feeling
Of impending doom
shove me in a padded room
My breathing is fast and ragged
Uncontrolled and violent
I clutch my chest
To try and stop
The painful palpitations
I tell myself to “stop being such a baby”
That I’m “just overreacting and it’s not that bad”
I try to make it stop
But my breath is wild
And it won’t obey
People can see me
Make it stop Make it STOP
STOP IT STOPITSTOP please!
I clutch my head
It might explode
With all the thoughts racing through my head
I’m afraid I’ll pass out
Or die…. But that might not be so bad now
I can’t breathe
My lungs hurt to expand
And I’m drowning
On dry land
Unknown hands attempt to guide me
Pressing my hands against my face
But I can’t feel them
A strange tingling sensation
Spreads across my arms and into my hands
\"Breathe
Breathe
Breathe
Slow down now
Too fast dear\"
The numb spreads to my face
And I stop breathing completely
And I can’t draw another.
I calm briefly
And then it starts again
Coming back with a vengeance
My legs are shaking
Like their very own earthquakes
Stop it stop it stop it
PLEASE
NONONONONO
I feel like I\'m dying
Make it stop
My hands ball into fists
Banging against my head
Again and again
Pulling at my hair
Dimmily I realize
I have an audience
To my insanity
Hands move mine back
Over my face
To try to tame my wild breath
As the world begins to fade to black.