As I flip the calendar my eyes get misty
The worst month of the year is here
Yet again I have to bite my tongue and smile
While everyone around me is happy
I\'m sitting here in despair
Nine years later I still feel the sting
The wound just as fresh as that afternoon
You promised you\'d look out for me
So I look for you in everything I do
Once in a while you give me a sign
Whether it\'s a song or a cloud
That rainy day this July
Were you jealous of them all
Getting to see me how you always wanted
Or did you make it rain so they had to
I ask you for a sign to keep going
On my worst days you\'re there
Bringing some sort of happiness
To symbolize you\'re still here
That you\'re still watching over me
Did you help him find me that day
The one who flipped my world upside down
Whose birthday is close to your death day
Or were you the one that found that game
The one I used to play while we talked
I zoned and thought of you as I played
For hours on end my brain floated back
To my teen years when you weren\'t mine
However bad we wanted to
The only problem is I forgot your voice
Why can\'t I remember how you sound
You were one of few who knew my name
My real name
Hearing you speak it would grab my attention
It was also one of the last things you said
Your last words to me still ring in my head
It was my name and “I\'m sorry”
Closure is realizing I couldn\'t have saved you
No matter if I was awake or not
My words wouldn\'t have swayed you
Your mind was made up already
However I wish we could\'ve talked again
That last night would have meant so much
To the both of us it could\'ve been special
Could I have told you I love you?
Would you have pushed me away
I\'m sure my words wouldn\'t change things
But I still wish I had said them
December will never be a happy month
Yet I hope you\'re in a happy place now
One where you don\'t have to hurt
And one where you know how I feel
I stare at the calendar and wipe my cheeks
December is here and I still love my wolf