Can I sit here and say that I am starting to let it go?
Or is this a lie, and it is something that I already know.
During the day I am fine, and then I fall apart most nights,
Because it breaks me that it didn’t play out how I wanted it to, even though I felt as if I was
doing everything right.
And it’s only been a few days, but my eyes are starting to see more clearly,
That I wouldn’t have had to fight so hard if it was truly meant to be.
I can’t force you to love me, no matter how hard I would try,
Because if you were the right one, I wouldn’t have to fight so hard to make you my guy.
And I am in that inbetween phase where every little thing reminds me of you,
And I want to reach out and tell you, but I know that that is the stupidest thing that I could do.
But even when we were friends, you never once reached out to me,
Because I would always have to start the conversation, and it always ended up feeling like a plea.
Like i was constantly begging you to talk to me, or I was constantly begging you to be my friend,
And I should have known that from the start, but I so badly didn’t want it to end.
The friendships, the hope for a relationship and everything in between,
But it was exhausting to always try and figure you out and to find out what all of the little hints
would mean.
But let me ask you this; you said we were friends right?
So why did I have to cry myself to sleep every night?
Because a real friend would never make me feel that way,
But it seemed like everyday I kept you in my life, it was the same thing that was going on
everyday.
Or all of the times that we would hang out, when did you ever initiate it? When did you ever be
the one to make it start?
The answer is you never did, and it was something that tore me apart.
I checked on you all the time, but did you ever do the same thing?
No, you didn’t, because to you our friendship wasn’t meant to last, it was just a summer fling.
And that hurts, because I thought you were going to be in my life for a long time,
But you had no trouble letting me go, and everytime you hurt me, you were doing just fine.
Maybe we aren’t meant to be together, maybe we aren’t even made to be friends,
Because a true friend would not leave me questioning it again, and again, and again.
I tried so hard to make you happy while destroying myself,
Because my feelings for you took over, and I kept mine sitting on a shelf.