Here we are again
With me falling for dead
Drowning in an endless sea
Of never-ending misery
Drinking more tequila and smoking weed
To numb the pain, using every temporary nepenthe
Basically fucking myself over and over
Continuing my shitty life, never completely clean or sober
My own school put me on suicide watch
For just trying to slash the pain away, slicing and cutting my broken dark body
Having to sit through hours of unhelpful therapy, taking tests by some guy named Rorschach
Taking Xannys until my head is foggy
And I wake up to rush to class for more people to make fun of me
And I take it, thinking that its all fine, putting on that pretty smile
Thinking its all worth-while
One day it\'ll get better
Yeah, of course it will, right?
Of course, the day its all better is the day I die
I\'ve been writing notes and letter, to all my family members
Already prepared
Not even scared
Because, see, I\'ve already made peace with death
I\'ve seen him, known him, he\'s basically a friend
A friend who resembles a dark shadow, and only comes around when someone takes their last breath
And I remember once of a time when I was small and innocent
With big dreams to take on the world
Not knowing how cruel and benevolent
Everyone can be, every boy and girl
Who\'ll cuss you out just for wearing the wrong brand of shoes
Every heart breaker who\'ll tell you that they love you, but who knew
That the next day they\'d leave
Leave you alone to hear the echoes of your cries and screams
No, I don\'t want to kill myself, I don\'t want to die
I just want to stop feeling like I break everytime I try
To just live a little
And stop being treated like some kind of critter
Some bug to be squashed and swatted away
No longer someone, but a thing to always complain
You see, once I was an innocent angel, in a Heaven called childhood
And I was expected to keep up with that child, keep being happy and innocent
But how could I, in a world so rude?
How could I?
So eventually that angel I was fell
My wings and halo dying and decaying
Falling and drowning as I cry and yell
Bloodstained and dripping, bloody hands and bloody feathers
Screaming as the pain takes over everything
Tears me apart from the inside out
The silence a loud reverberating hum that smashes into my bones, if anything
It just fills me with more darkness and doubt
As I perpetually, scrambling as I try to reach for Heaven
But its gates are locked to me, hitting another dead end
Until I touch down on the ground
The dusty, dark, mysterious ground
Where I collapse and cry, a bundle of bloody feathers, until I feel a tap on my shoulder
And look up to see old Lucifer waving for me to come over
Turns out, we got along pretty well
Both cast out from Heaven to Hell
For just wanting to be ourselves
Because that\'s the cost of freedom
Hell, fire, and darkness
Dancing among sharp toothed demons
No longer an outcast or something monstrous
So, you see
Her I am, bound and tethered
By social suicide and anxiety
Bloody feathers