Santajah Douglass

A Prisoner Of My True Feelings

I\'m lying, oh I\'m so lying,

Behind the words I say,

Is a complete lie,

And I am dying to say more,

Than meets the eye.

 

I will tell you I want to kick you to the moon,

And in reality,

I want you to hold me so close,

It\'s not even funny.

 

I like your playful jokes,

Even if I act annoyed,

But I never want you to stop,

Because somehow it\'s uncomfortable,

When you\'re not smiling or laughing or telling jokes.

 

I don\'t know when you got so affectionate,

And when I started to like it,

But it\'s weird for me,

Because I don\'t want to let you go,

But I feel torn between what I am and what we do.

 

I wish you would admit your feelings too,

And I don\'t want to feel like I\'m in a one-sided romance,

Because I\'m not the girl who ends up with a prince,

And I know this,

But I also be lying,

If I said I wasn\'t attracted,

To this man who makes me feel like I have butterflies in my stomach.

 

He holds me and I embrace when I\'m in a panic,

And I\'m driving myself insane,

Because I see him when I fall asleep,

What is he thinking?

 

Is he feeling the same as me,

Or am I just living in a fantasy,

Is this just a momentary infatuation,

Or is it something deeper,

Something real and true.

 

I try to push these thoughts away,

But they keep coming back,

Like waves crashing against the shore,

Relentless and unstoppable.

 

I want to confess my feelings,

But fear holds me back,

Afraid of rejection,

Afraid of ruining what we have.

 

So I continue to lie,

To myself and to him,

Hiding behind a facade,

Pretending I don\'t feel the way I do.

 

But deep down,

In the depths of my soul,

I know the truth,

I know that I\'m lying.

 

Lying to myself,

Lying to him,

Lying to the world,

Hiding the feelings that threaten to consume me.

 

I long to be honest,

To open up my heart,

To let him see the real me,

But fear holds me back,

Keeping me trapped in this facade.

 

I am dying to break free,

To let the truth be known,

To confess my feelings,

And see where they may lead.

 

But for now,

I continue to lie,

Saying one thing,

While feeling another,

Hoping that someday,

I will find the courage,

To speak the truth,

And let my heart be free.