I\'m fine, right?
I mean I go around walking on my trembling feet everyday
My emotions ashen flurries, part of a blood colored blizzard
I mean, what else should I say?
I can\'t just go around with tears on my face
Can\'t just say how numb inside I really feel, can\'t win a losing race
I can\'t go a day without my sweater to cover my scarred body
So yeah, of course I\'m fine
Every time I pretend to be someone else... of course everything is alright
When I plaster a fake smile, put on that same old grinning mask
Push down my emotions to not drown, so instead I grab the flask
And down the stinging liquid down my throat, pouring it in a sippy cup
To save for later when I actually want to feel something, floating up, up, up
Only to fall back down in reality, pushing away the pain, no more pills please
No more pain and no more feelings... an unreachable dream, aches are never eased
In my sad, but \"fine\" life
So sure, of course I\'m okay, yeah, everything\'s fine
While I die inside
Another therapist quitting on me, yay, when will there be something new?
Another person leaving my life, like always, damn, not even my parents could stay for a couple seconds, just a few
Without arguing on my own damn birthday
No, I\'m too \"rebellious\", \"weird\", \"overdramatic\"
When really its not me who\'s problematic
I\'m just the one who takes all the blame, hides in the flickering shadows
Because at least they haven\'t abandoned me yet, dealing with all the pain, walking slowly to the gallows
But the rope keeps slipping from my hands, it won\'t tie around my neck either
So I then try to drown myself in seclusion, but that doesn\'t work, making me go crazier
Goddamn, if I can\'t end it, and I can\'t live with it, then what do I do?
Please, what do I do?
Be honest, because underneath my tough exterior and the grinning mask on my face
There\'s just pure pain and chaos, no everything\'s not fine, I might just turn into a basket case
Pulling my hair out and watching the fresh blood slip over my wrists with wide eyes
Just to feel something, anything, to muffle the screaming chaotic voices that make me cry
But there is no help, no solution
So I guess I\'ll just keep dealing with this for eternity
I\'ll open up and get hurt, quickly retreating back to my cold seclusion
Detaching my self from society, dying from social anxiety
My knuckles bloody as I keep digging at the Earth being poured over my body, encasing
As I gasp for breath and kick and yell, exploding like a nuclear bomb
My blood pressure rises, going numb yet again, here we go, my eyes glazing
And I blink, somehow waking up in my bed, to go on in the same cycle
So yeah, I guess I\'m pretty fine
When I think of ending it all every night
I mean... there must be people who have it worse, right?
Maybe, I don\'t know, but I\'m fine, I have to be
So no one can really see
I\'m fine
Of course I am
Just don\'t look too far behind my mask