Abnormally I would sit down on the ground
wherever I was standing
when that drained to the marrow feeling rushed
as a gusher through out all my veins and arteries
swished away all my unexpanded energy as I wound down
as if a wand and an evil wish were somehow involved, I cowered
to take one more step lest I step through that door that closes on forever,
my scalp wrinkled solid with tension,
my temples asked to be excused, offered
to explode or try and hold on,
the impression of a pressure put on my eyeballs
forcing them to tilt inward and cross,
a forced crossing forcing me to look past my own nose
seeing both diagonal views at once,
I have to squeeze my eyes closed tight
at night, as tight as I can stand it until it all starts
to fade into an unwaken situation.