The Pain Inside

I knew I would make mistakes.

But never to these lengths

 

I never imagined I would hurt you this bad

 

Now, we smile as we pass, but I can\'t stand

 

nor imagine another man

 

holding your hand

 

I find myself at a crossroads

 

scanning through excuses like barcodes

 

I know I need to decide

 

If I should stay and fight

 

To make things right

 

But I don\'t want to hold up your life

 

I regret and selfishly mourn the loss of you

 

But in all fairness, you deserve a life, too

 

I walk the train tracks

 

Fighting the urge to look back

 

The vibration of the tracks

 

and rocks shifting

 

Reminds me I\'m still living

 

I step out of the way but secretly

 

I want the train to hit me

 

It has always been about me.

 

Always wanting things to be easy

 

I treated you like a robot

 

Every kilowatt of energy I drained

 

could never be replaced

 

I saw the fuse was burned and broken

 

at that moment, I knew our love was dead

 

I never considered your end

 

The fact I was the luckiest man

 

I took my fortune for granted

 

I always thought you would stay

 

assuming you would never leave

 

It always depended on my day

 

If our relationship is would be okay

 

I treated it all like a game

 

I rubbed your feet and said the sweet things

 

Inside my heart strings were crossed

 

and I ended up paying the ultimate cost

 

Those nights, I got drunk and high

 

I never truly treated you right

 

​You have a tolerance

 

​Much higher than mine

 

When I watched you drive away

 

You didn\'t even look back at me

 

No eyes in the rearview

 

The shock hit right on cue

 

Your lips were all I could see

 

as your car sped away

 

those pink glossy lips

 

I will never be blessed to kiss

 

and I will eternally miss

 

All the promises of love

 

Choked out by the exhaust

 

-Jeffery Lee Palmer (Take Your Knife)