I wish I could fly
But I’m stuck here
Tied down in these chains
With no one here
I shout
Cry out
Send signals to people about
But no one hears
There is no one near
And therein lies my doubt
You say
“I’m here for you”
“Don’t be afraid to talk to me”
“I know what you mean”
But do you really,
Or is it just your sympathy
Trying to make yourself
Seem
Like you know
But you don\'t
You won\'t ever know
You are not me
This experience
Is not we
It is only
Singularly
For me
You cannot change
What you do not know
I am in both sides of the story
I am the colonizer
Being both judgemental
And overpowering
I am the slave
Working myself
Until I am exhausted
Depleted
Drained
Trying to prove my master
Master of my mind
Master of my body
Master of my soul
That I CAN do it
But all three
Are disappointed
In me.
Because I prove them right.
There is nothing
I can do
To demonstrate
That I follow
The expectations you place.
I am afraid
That I will be sold
To the world
And become
Something I\'m not.
And so every night
I cry out
Not to anyone
But to myself
Unraveling
All the faces
I can’t bear to have other people see.
Because what they know is not me
What they know
Is my fake side
The side of me who acts
Like them
Uncaring
Judgemental
And powerful.
Just like the colonizers.
Can’t I be
Something
That is not
Like that?
I want to be
An explorer
Carefree
But also caring
I want
To be able to show my face
And want people to trust me
Love me
For me
And NOT for those
Fake faces
I want to
Celebrate
Authenticate
Reeducate
What was taught
I want
To be looked at
And be proud
Because of
What both sides of me
Have gone through
Independance
And slavery
Hard work
Payback
I want to find my way back
To where it all began.