It is healthy, they tell you
Chin up,
Smile bright,
Laugh loud.
Well maybe I don\'t want to do those things.
Maybe my head stays down,
My mouth a frown,
My voice drowns.
They call me unapproachable,
Label me lonely,
Only,
Uncomely.
I am the thing they fear becoming,
The person they strangle and bury.
Well maybe I fear them.
The way they open to the world,
The way they smile like the earth isn\'t burning.
The sing-songing joy that escapes their mouth and lands in a pile of ashes.
How can I follow that?
How, when I see threats in every room,
Flames poised to consume,
The impending stone tomb,
Can I close my eyes to the shadows and open them to light,
Bright,
Alright,
Ignite.
Every smile feels wrong,
Like an untuned key in a melody only I can see.
A frown feels true,
Blue,
Undue.
But I can\'t.
I can\'t see like them,
So I don\'t want to be with them.
I want to stay in my place,
Where darkness is welcome and thoughts don\'t have to hide.
This is me,
The things I see,
No merci,
Little glee.
It\'s unhealthy, they tell you.