I’m trying to protect my peace, I’m working hard to protect me,
but the thrill of nearly dying can never pale in comparison to the passionless everyday routine.
I feel like I actually realize what receiving love back can look like, I feel like I’m living and not just breathing,
but back then I used to be alive.
I didn’t exactly thrive but with each laugh and cry, I felt happy, as messed up as it was.
And now I’m just passionless and unfeeling, unwanted and unbelieving,
even though I know it’s for the best.
It aches, it’s contorted, it’s all purple and bruised but I know I’ll be okay,
but ‘okay’ is not soon.
Maybe I just need a reminder that while my social life and my love life may stay passionless
and in the gutter for a while,
but I can’t continue with the jumping over walls or waiting for the beckoning of his call
and stand there nervously as I stall my way out of the fact t
hat I know that I still love him and he’ll never love me and for once,
I’m okay with that.
I’ll be okay with this passionless little ruin of a castle
because the beast is gone.