I thought maybe with you all
Things would be different
Things could be good
It could be swell
Even though...
Time kept ticking onward
little things kept piling up
little knicks
little scratches I ignored
I hoped maybe it could heal
maybe things could get better
maybe I\'d see myself
sitting on that far off horizon
But all of the colors faded
All the kindness there was was had
there was nothing else to see
except the coming catastrophe
I thought I could keep going
I thought I could bare these scars
Make them shine
As you push pins in me
Claim you gave my tasks you never did
More notes obscure my face
But it\'s my fault
It\'s always my fault
And I\'ve seen this all before
I couldn\'t understand
How you could be so wrong
How you could hurt me so much
But then I remembered the pins
Pushing in on me
Stabbing mild but bleeding me out
Pushing deeper and deeper
With each task I never got told
It\'s getting old
Hearing constantly you making things up
About how well things are going
twice or thrice a year
No evidence
it\'s evident now
you\'re bullshitting me
filling my head with half truths
and more lies
get what you want
push pins into me till I bleed
blind me with notes
you refuse to notice
what you\'re doing to me
as you push me away
screaming for me to stay
the contrarians
I hoped this would heal
get better with time
and I\'d find us all
sitting on that horizon line
once upon a sunrise
we could have maybe stayed friends
but now there\'s a sunset
and I have 2 many holes to patch
as I remember before I met you
and I thought I would stay a while
maybe I wasn\'t alone in my dreams
but you faded all those colors away
I tried to see the best in you
even when you brought out the worst in me
even when you poked and prodded
and clearly cast me aside
You claim I\'m the bad friend
I\'m the bad person
When none of you call
Unless you need to berate me
None of you answer your phones
But I can\'t communicate
None of you look at your texts
But call about shit I already made clear
You tell me to calm down
But how am I to do that
When you only speak to me
when we\'re both upset
Still, I tried repairing cracks
Still, I tried repainting scratches
Still, I tried...
I tried...
You keep exhausting options
You keep ignoring problems
You keep adding more pins
More notes
More pain
More tears
Push pins
Pushing me away
More and more time ticks away
More and more clear there\'s no way
More and more tears cried over you
Lost time I\'ll never have back
But I cheated you?
But I wronged you?
But I left you when you couldn\'t make this more clear?
But it\'s somehow always my fault
That the pins you stick in come loose
And I start to bleed out from you?
Your uselessness
Confounds me
Your empty shells that once contained
People I could call friends
Have lost all interest to me
I\'ve seen this all before
All the colors draining from the sunset
All the blackness coating the ocean
That I cried for you 3
Now I have to find myself
Without you leeching off me
Draining color from my life
While claiming you\'re trying to put it there
More and more distant
More and more disdain
as I realize more and more
That there was never an \'us\' on that shore
That you never intended to keep me there
Despite how loyal I was
You\'d sooner push me in that ocean
Than actually share that beach with me
Tell yourselves lies
That I was always the problem
That it\'s always everyone else\'s fault
Despite the common denominator in every equation
Equaling up to you working alone
I should have known
Fuck, I wish I\'d known
Just how much you\'d take from me
In spite of you proclaiming what you\'ve given
How I should be grateful
Of the 100s of hours I spent
Fussing over things that you never had
Any intention to actually do
So much time I wasted on you
So much energy spent on you
So much time I could have spent learning
The tools you stole from me
I thought if I stayed
long enough
I could get you back
From yourselves
But know I know
The path you\'ve chose
Only leads to more pins
In
Me
I\'ll take a rain-check on that pain
I\'ll take a short trip on memory lane
Maybe with time I\'ll repaint you with brighter inks
Than you deserve
Until that time comes
All the colors you once held
Have only faded to blackness
At your own hands