I remember it well to my woe and dismay
Ten years and it seems like yesterday
It was a sunny afternoon in a hot mid june
And I was having a quiet snooze in my little bedroom
Coming from my neighbour four doors along
Was the sound of music, a familiar song
I poked my head out to start to sing a long
How i wish i stayed indoors and remained where i was
For standing in the garden as bold as brass
Was Gertrude in her birthday suit
Baring her arse
To say she was all wrinkly is an understated claim
Her folds of ancient fat would put an elephant to shame
I think i must have screamed because then she turned around
And dear reader i won\'t describe
What my bleeding eyes had found
With arms held to the sky
She began to exercise
To a tune of chubby checker
It\'s amazing she\'s still alive
One bit went left while the other went right
Then she did some star jumps
Newton would have cried
Its impossible to explain
How her body managed to move
Amongst the swirling ripples
There must have been a groove
And there i was transfixed by all she had to show
I was powerless to resist the naked disco
And then to my relief the music finally stopped
I thought it was done
But boy was i wrong
With a finesse befitting
A whale stranded on the shore
She then bent over
Revealing so much more
And that\'s when i knew
My life would never be the same
So i checked into the asylum
Just to keep me safe
But every time \'lets twist again\'
Comes on a radio show
I\'m reminded of big, old Gertrude
In her birthday suit.