What would it be like to come upon you suddenly;
to not be simply shrugged off, not so easily ignored?
After all this age acquired, still I seem to know less.
In what vault is kept what you say I need to confess;
where the lost twenty years of memories are stored?
What would it be like to be by you suddenly confronted?
Heart in boot, would I mumble any recognizable greeting?
Would spine binding let old joints hold me?
Are you here to return that which you stole from me?
Yet another what if; would I continue retreating?
Years unabridged by any contact cannot be forded in a day,
instantly forgetting what has so endlessly been rehearsed,
breathing apparently seeming to cease completely.
Mumbling words poorly weighed before spoken,
remind me of vows by you already broken.
Would I feel better to tell you how much I despise you?
Your false cruelty accusations repeatedly burn me,
memories of lies ignoring the actual still concern me.
Memories of being by you hated, despised, so devoutly cursed,
with assets and punishments so unequally dispersed.
Long years of therapy while growing old alone.
Two decades of honest effort cold heartedly unrewarded,
along with yesterday’s trash so easily discarded.
So many long nights with sleep stolen by regret
make me disinclined to forgive or forget.