Niki Oz

Loved you more than I loved myself.

 

People always say, \"If you can\'t love yourself, you can\'t love anybody else\". 

That\'s so false it\'s not even funny. 

The truth is that you can love somebody else whole heartedly. Probably harder than you could ever, ever love yourself. 

The problem is, if you don\'t love yourself first, you will love the other person so intensely you can\'t let go. So passionately you can\'t look another direction. So drastically it becomes all you know. Odds are if you didn\'t love yourself first you also didn\'t really know who you were, because then you\'d know you\'re worth. So all that love you should be pouring into yourself as well you pour it all into them. You become so naively dependent on their happiness you haven\'t realized that you\'re not even happy. You haven\'t realized how many sleepless nights you\'ve spent lately crying into your pillow so he doesn\'t hear you. How many days you\'ve gone feeling like you can\'t breathe because \"you didn\'t feel like you were worth anything\". How many mornings you\'ve convinced yourself \"if you just stay quiet, if you only speak when spoken to, if you only smile, laugh, never roll your eyes, never get a phone call that \"today will be better\". You\'ve done nothing but pour into him for years and all he\'s done is drain you. He has drained you to the point you no longer even have energy to wake up. I\'m talking about him draining your soul. There\'s no coming back from it unless you leave. Yet leaving seems impossible. You know you should but you gave this man your whole heart and soul. He was your nomatter what but all you were to him was his right now. The important thing when you do leave is that you take that time to learn to love yourself. You spent how many years begging for someone else to love you when they were the opposite! He couldn\'t love anyone except himself. Now take that time and put it into yourself. 

This time when he leaves? You\'ll still be whole.