The pain cleaves my chest
It has followed me for years
It leaves me empty
I am nothing but barbed imaginings and
Salty dreams dripping down my cheeks
\'im not strong enough\'
\'i cant do this\'
ruthless words cycle through my head
I wont ever go back to the scars
but the idea does pop in from time to time
I wont ever act on it again
however that doesn\'t mean I\'m immune
to feeling cold and tired
numb and done
pain so shattering I wonder
how ill ever put myself back together
how can I go on?
when this feeling always manages to find me
I crave peace
I chase love
I fight for peoples time
i am so tired of trying to receive something that\'s normally freely given
why am I not the one to receive it
in this earthly form
I am blindded by tunnel vision
that only sees wounds and not the bandages
people have given me
I lie to myself and
say no one cares
but I know that\'s not true
but maybe if I believe it
I can stop feeling so alone
so hurt
so sad
so lost
so
so
so
so
done
so unworthy of peoples affection
I think I\'m broken
I don\'t know how to fix me
I don\'t wanna trauma flash anyone
I don\'t wanna be a \'pick me\' person
I just need love and understanding
support and compassion
but I know not where to look
I am trying so hard to be good
good person
good student
good child
good friend
good me
but I am tiring
so tired
maybe one day
ill be good