It’s so easy to slip back into my old ways. Friendly faces turned sour and the tricks the Mind plays.
Retreat into myself. Setting back upon the shelf. Focus on my inner world. Should be better for my health.
I wasn’t meant to fit in. To blend and mingle or make light of why I’m here.
Darkness soothes me. It masks the holes and the cracks. Not really filling. Just reminding me where I lack.
I can’t hide when I’m out there. Some sort of sonar seems to emit from every place of my being. Calling them to me. Willing this game to start once again.
And secretly, maybe I did want to play. Tempt me. Test me. Force the will of my mind. But I never liked the outcome. Everyone they attach to always falls into what’s unwanted. And I feel I’m to blame.
And of course I sink. Because the weight of their anchor wraps around me pulling me into the depths of their mind, their psyche and their life.
To think I asked for it, is abysmal. Who am I?
I just wanted to see. Connections not really meant to be. If I can help them see the light. Maybe then, I’ll find Me.
~I.S.~