He drinks pints of lager and
watches the football with the lads,
he tips and flirts with the young barmaid
and tries his best to make her laugh.
He boasts about how many beers he drinks
and how rough he feels the next day,
I didn’t get home until two, he says,
you should have seen the wife’s face.
He tells the boys how much he wins on the horses
but says nothing every time that they lose,
he knows it all and you can’t tell him anything,
he’s always got a point to prove.
His so-called banter borders on bullying
but he’s only having a laugh,
he always orders the full English breakfast
in the local greasy spoon caff.
He tells jokes down the pub with the lads
and most of his punchlines offend,
but if anyone complains, he always insists
he’s just having a laugh with his friends.
He wakes one morning with cuts on his face
from when he fell drunk, banged his head,
the truth is that somebody punched him
for something offensive he said.
He loves lager and football with the lads,
and is always good for the craic,
but he tries so hard to impress
that they laugh at him behind his back.