Gain,
its mesmerizing, this personal struggle you cant seem to tame.
Is it a rush; imagining all of the hypothetical, unacceptable possibilities, that would in truth, stream... lame.
If nothing is different, then it must be the same.
Yet you continiue with no regard, claiming your insane.
Pain is not physical. It all derives from emotional damage, that binds so many in chains.
The same as if it were dark outside, loud thunder, and your smiling all night, as it rains.
Taking a hostage and beating your misery into there brain.
Gain?
Do you?
Gain anything that betters you? Your Your behavior needs a change, its up to miserable, and courting insane.